Well, the weather outside might still be frightful.. it is getting better. I can’t wait for all that the summer is setting up to bring. I keep losing weight, roadtrips to Dubuque, IA, Fort Collins, Co and Houston, TX plus seminars in Chicago, IL and Minneapolis, MN another semester closer to finally obtaining my degree on the wall, the continued growth of my company and just nicer weather. Its interesting for me to notice that with more sunshine comes a better attitude and outlook, u know? Maybe its just seeing things in bright daylight instead of gloomy overcast skies, maybe its the sight of all the beautiful ladies in their short shorts or maybe its Opening Day of baseball and the end of the black hole that is the time between the end of football and the begining of the next big sport.. I mean how can you not get excited about a sport where its participants are called the “boys of summer”?

Well, the weather here has been pretty awful so far this week, so I’ve spent a lot of time behind my computer screen and I’ve started watching trailers for some of the summer movies that I’m very excited to go see and its spurred my imagination to dust off my attempt at a first book and start writing again. I forgot how much fun it is to truly let your imagination go and just see where it can take you. I love story telling in all its forms. I enjoy getting a peak into someone else’s mind and getting to see what their imagination can come up with. Its interesting to me how any number of people can here the same concept or idea and get such drastically different visions of what that would be like. I take it as a personal challenge in my writing to be detailed and specific enough that when someone reads my thoughts they can get the exact same picture that I had when I wrote it. Its a fun and daunting process to write, e. specially with the intention of having other people read it. Its a process that really gets me excited, kind of like art and design. There is just something intensely satisfying about creation.. to look at a blank page, screen, canvas, chunk of metal or whatever your medium is and to scuplt and mold out of that your vision, your ideas, your personality and whatever is going through your head at that specific moment in time. Its a very different and sometimes surreal way of leaving a time capsule behind. It anchors you to reality and to the things that surround you and things you are feeling but it also catapults you into the realms unknown where anything is possible, where anything will happen and fills you with the hope of what can be and what is to come.

Here’s today’s quote:
“Imagination opens the mind to realms beyond the five senses. It carries us beyond the here and now and gently guides us through limitless possibilities.” – Wendy J Reynolds

Well, another weekend comes to a close.. it feels like I just left work Friday and its time to go back already!? Oh well, it has been a productive weekend. I got new content to be edited and posted to my company site as well as some new ideas for hosting solutions and some other new content to work on with my business partner. I also had the chance to play around online looking at some potential parts for my upcoming new desktop computer build. Like most enthusiasts I am eagerly awaiting the new AMD Bulldozer 8-core processor and chipset. It is the driving force behind my new computer build scheduled for this summer when the parts become available through vendors. As it gets closer I am starting to look at potential customizing options for the case including a special paint scheme, lights and even possibly my first liquid cooled system. Right now I can’t decide on something comic book like Thor or Ironman or something more Hollywood inspired like The Matrix or 300. Its funny to me, as much stress as can come with operating my own business sometimes as I get into things like this and some of the more clerical and decision making aspects it helps to excite me about really making it work. I’ve noticed that seems to be the case with a lot of things in my life lately. As some of the people closest to me know I joined weight watchers back in January. Now granted, I originally joined because a close friend offered me one heck of a challenge.. free tickets to a major NCAA college football rivaly game tickets if I managed to lose a set amount of weight by rivaly weekend time. Sidenote, if you can’t tell I’m a huge football fan both college and NFL. As that “carrot” seems to have vanished, a long story, I find myself motivated to keep going not by what I am being offered but by the excitement of standing on a scale once a week and seeing the numbers going down. My results are certainly not phenomenal, but after roughly 10 weeks on the program and nearing 30 lb total weight loss to date it helps keep me going. I find myself looking forward to things that I haven’t done for a long time. I flew, cross country to see my little brother, a Lieutenant in the US Army. I find myself seeking to make a trip to Colorado with my little sister to see and aunt and uncle I haven’t seem for some time as well as trips to Texas, Wisconsin and even North Carolina in the coming months to see more family. As well, as being inspired to chase my passions in building my business by attending some upcoming web design conferences this summer to network with people who get excited about this stuff like I do. I may have mentioned I also am back in school working towards my ever elusive degree in web design and business. All the while pursuing another passion of mine… story telling. I am currently working on writing my first book. Its just been a very wild ride. I had some set backs for a couple weeks while I dealt with some personal matters but it never really took my eyes off my goals. Its been exciting to feel the change as I start go build this momentum spiraling upwards and hopefully positively out of control as new clients come on board, my partner and i add more services to our fledgling business line up. I guess, what I’m trying to say is that I’m just really happy and positive lately and I wanted to share the love…
Ok, so here is today’s quote:
“The best thing to give your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all people, charity.” – Benjamin Franklin
Here’s a bonus quote… its a Swedish proverb:
“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.”

Well, its Sunday night and another work week starts in less than 8 hours. Where did the weekend go? Weekends always seem so short and now this weekend, it was even shorter. In some ways I hate to see another week begin and in other ways its nice because it helps the mind re focus on fresh starts in others. As a new week begins for me I’m also working on getting back into some healthy routines that I have been forced to lay aside in recent weeks. Not everyone knows but back in January I joined Weight Watchers. So far I’ve lost just shy of 25 lbs. Now that’s not extraordinary by any stretch of the imagination, but its a start. As I’ve begun to make over my body, not just in losing weight but I’ve also made changes to how I see myself… I’ve pierced my ears and started to build a new wardrobe that is filled with clothes that actually fit instead of clothes 4 sizes too big so I can try to hide inside the clothes I wear. I’ve also started to prioritize some things for my own computer company so as to build my business. I’ve gotten back into finishing my college degree.  I’ve also spent some time lately coming to some painful conclusions about myself and about someone that I care deeply for.. I’ve learned how hard it is to lay things down.. Well, I hope everyone is ready for the new week and it promises to be a powerful one.. 🙂

“If you’re going to aim high, aim for the moon because even if you miss you’ll wind up among the stars.”

My baby sister has been going through a rough spell lately, and its hard to see her suffer. I don’t know if its part of who I am or part of being an older brother but its hard to see her suffer and struggle and not want to swoop in and do everything in my power to help make things better for her.  I fear that is a fault I do with all the people I’m close to, no just family but friends and people I care deeply enough for as to be considered family to me. I forget that people come to conclusions on their own and instead of me trying to save the day.. sometimes all that is needed is merely to listen. Now I try to be as supportive as I can but in the rush to help make things better instead of really listening to what people are saying i merely hear the words waiting for a pause so that I can interject my own musings on the situation. That’s a tough line to walk.. to help when needed, to be there to listen always and sometimes to be silent when you see the storm on the horizon. As I get older and experience more and as I become more aware of the person I am and the personality that I possess it has become easier to find my balance on that tight rope. My first instinct will probably always be to rush to help and save the day but it is becoming easier to force myself to be still, to be silent and to just be there. My heart still breaks when I see the tears or think about the pain the people I care the most for go through, but it strengthens my resolve to make sure that I am always there ready, willing and able to listen first, to support and to make sure at every possible opportunity that I let those people know just how special they are to me, how much they mean to me, how much I’ve learned from them and how honored I am to have them stand beside me.

“Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted.”  – Paul Pearshall

Why is it that if you don’t get in people’s face, if you don’t walk around trying to be brash and confrontational people look at you as weak, like your a door mat? Just because someone chooses their battles and isn’t willing to get into an argument over just any topic they a wimp? Since when did kindness and being chivalrous and even forgiving become bad things? I mean there are times where I want to rip the people around me a new one, that I want nothing more than to lose my temper, to scream, yell and make my point known but its not worth what it would do to the people around me. As much as I might want to say my piece, I know that my thoughts, my words would hurt those people that I care the most about.. so its better for me to keep my mouth shut, to pick only the battles that are truly deeply important to me instead of going off and needlessly, senselessly hurting the feelings of the people I would give my life to protect and see happy and successful. Maybe that is weakness, maybe that makes me a door mat, maybe it makes me a better man, I honestly don’t know. What I do know is that at the end of every day I’m the one that has to stand at the sink and look in the mirror at myself and be ok with the choices I’ve made and the things I’ve said… I know that it means more to me and is more fulfilling, and often more painful, to keep my mouth quiet from saying the things I most long to say because it would be selfish to utter the words. They won’t make the person they are spoken to feel any better, they just make me feel better.

Here are today’s quotes…
“In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightengale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.”  – Ambrose Bierce
It is easier to find a score of men wise enough to discover the truth than to find one intrepid enough, in the face of oposition, to stand up for it.”  – A. A. Hodge

Ok, so today I heard a podcast talking about upcoming technology and I got pretty geeked out. They were talking about sanforce controllers on the new 6Gb for solid state drives.. that there was one with read speeds of 520 MB a sec. and the piece that I got the most excited about was the talk about the new AMD processor and chipset The thing about it that got to me was the complete redesign on the AMD side of it.. I mean the creation of an 8 core processor with hyper threading running at like 4GHz and with 8MB L2 and L3 cache.. I just built a new desktop last fall with an AMD 6 core processor with a solid state drive, but with this new info I want to build another one with the new bulldozer. Especially if I can build the desktop with sata 6G and USB 3.0.. who knows by then i might even be able to find a motherboard with lightpeak on it.. I’m not sure what i’d do with all that speed and power but as a web developer i love the possibility of trying to find ways to peg out that kind of performance. I also heard about a Google Chrome OS laptop.. that idea definitely intrigues me keeping all my system resources for myself and storing all my apps and files on the cloud.. its an interesting time, and I can’t wait to see what they will dream up next. For those that are interested I got that information from the TWIT network a program called “This Week in Computer Hardware” and the other one is “PC Perspective” both are great resources for anyone wanting to get into building and upgrading PCs, they have great reviews and are a wonderful source of info and tips.

Here’s today’s quote… “When we engage in what we are naturally suited to do, our work takes on the quality of play and it is play that stimulates creativity.”  – Linda Naiman

Why is it that no matter how long a vacation, it never seems long enough? Well, this is my first week back in the upper midwest after being in Virginia last week for my little brother’s BOLIC graduation. Military ceremonies always keep me in awe because i’m never really sure what to expect until its over. This one was no exception. The special guest speaker was very interesting. He was a very down to earth and common sense kind of person. He gave not only the graduation lieutenants something to think about, but for anyone who was listening he had lots of wisdom to pass along. One thing he mentioned is something that i’ve always been very interested in.. “become a student of history.” I love history. I will always remember the sign hanging in my high school library “those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” Its a fine line though. I mean its great to remember what people before us have done and to keep proper perspective on whatever you might currently be going through but it can also be harmful to spend your entire life constantly looking backwards. I’m probably more guilty of that than most people. I am quick to forgive others for wrongs committed against me, but I can never seem to forgive myself for when I feel like i haven’t lived up to my own expectations. This is especially true for relationships. I’ve spent a lot of time remembering the past and stories from growing up on this vacation but it helped me to realize that i also spend too much time looking back at past relationships and thinking about what might have been or how much i might regret the way things went or how things turned out instead of paying attention to how things are now.

Here’s a quote that i found interesting, “A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.” – William Shakespeare